Hobbies / Books   (Gardening, walking, books, films, theatre etc.)

Funny Seagulls.

An Essex girl and a Lancashire were walking along the beach.
The Lancashire girl says "Gosh, look at all the dead seagulls!" The Essex girl looks up in the sky and says, "Where?"


An Essex girl, a Lancashire girl and a Cumbrian girl were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the Essex girl.

The Lancashire girl says in a disgusted voice, "Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."

After she leaves the Essex girl begins to laugh.

The Cumbrian girl says, "What's so funny?"

The Essex girl says, "Well, us Essex girls are supposed to be so dumb and look at her. By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!"

A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"

What do you call a man with seagulls on his head ?
Cliff !

An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar . . .
. . . and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea.

Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies, "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off."

"Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"

"Ahhhh...," mused the pirate, "we were boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off."

"Zounds!" remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch?"

"A seagull droppin' fell into me eye," answered the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well," said the pirate, "it was me first day with the hook..."