Handbags   (The sad, the bad and the ugly. Non-productive stuff here.)

Excerpt from an online dating thingamibob...

I also look like Shrek, call me.
Posted 2 months ago

Lets see.. I am a big and scray Russian dude. Well, mebe not that big and not that scray. I am 180lb but plan to be 250 in the near future. I love take risks and trying new things, and there are few things that I enjoy more than adrenaline in my body and facing fear and laughing at it, and having companions who are on the same page and willing to challange you. I scare people on my motorcycle when I am on the road, and some people are afraid for my life, yet I am confident in my safety and ability to protect the ones I am with, and will never abandon my enthusiasm for biking. I have a very deep voice voice, that can freak some people out if they are not used to hearing it. I never watch tv and very rarely watch movies with you, as there are many more things I’d rather do instead. I never start fights, but I enjoy agression from other men, because I love staying in control of my emotions and my body. And of course, I love sex, and again, there are very few things in life that I enjoy more than pleasing a woman I am with and seeing her delirious with pleasure, because I doubt that any woman can make me feel just as good as she feels. You will never catch me doing nothing. Put down your email and your number
N.

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+5 for “I’m big and scary” as an opener (and misspelling “scary”).

+1 for “mebe.” Really?


+4 for “I plan on gaining 70 pounds in the near future.” What lady doesn’t want a man who lives off of bacon and steroids?

+2 for “I enjoy aggression from other men… and of course I love sex.” I think there’s something you’re not telling me.

+3 for the Emphasis on Manliness: motorcycles, deep voice, No Fear t-shirt (he didn’t mention that but you know he has a bunch).

TOTAL POINTS: 15.


(Pssst, there are others...Maybe you submitted one?)