My mate from Liverpool has started working in a local slaughterhouse, stunning the animals.
They've never seen a scouser with a job.
Give a scouser a fish, and he can eat for a day.
Give him a fishing rod and he'll put it in your letterbox and nick your car keys.
Labour have pledged to invest in Merseyside and create 100,000 jobs if they win the election.
The Conservatives now regard Liverpool as a safe seat.
Drop yours in anytime.
Started: 28th Oct 2021 at 19:03
I'm absolutely knackered from my French self defence class last night.
I've never run so far in all my life.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 19:05
My chav neighbour has just put her pyjamas on...
I don’t know if she’s going to bed or going shopping.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 19:22
They say that an apple a day will keep the doctor away.
Why stop there? An onion a day will keep everybody away.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 19:53
Never heard that one before. Not a good one that, no.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 19:56
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:06
Can't see owt.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:08
Seen it but I don't get it.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:11
I cant see that LL, wish full thinking, that.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:14
It's two females service personnel pushing a pram with a shouting baby in it. One female is saying "He's going to be a Sergeant Major when he grows up".
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:23
Correction she's says "Guess who's going to be"
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:25
more like Walter mitty.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:31
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:37
Last edited by basil brush: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:42:46
It's not LL fault it's not showing it wouldn't for me either. How can a can a babby be a Walt?
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:38
make your mind up
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:43
You don't half type some shite.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:45
Half a pan Half a pan Half a pan Onwards
Into the pan of scouse rolled the six onions.
Forward the Scouse Brigade - was there a Veggie dismayed - Not!
But they knew someone had blundered.
Mutton to the right of them, spuds to the left of them. Gravy in front of them,
Volleyed and thundered.
Stormed at with Pepper and Salt
there was no time to halt.
Into the pan of Scouse rolled the six onions.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:47
you can either see it or you can't.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:53
I wanted to be an actor when I was at school until I fell down a trapdoor during a play our class was performing. I realised it was just a stage I was going through.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:54
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 20:55
Basil was being interviewed on his ability to use both hands skilfully and he said "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous".
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 21:00
Boris Johnson became unpopular in Liverpool in January this year when he said, " I promise everyone in this Country will get a Jab this year", The scousers all heard , ' job' instead of Jab and so no one voted for him,
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 21:09
What is the odd one out here,
A good scouser,
there's no such a thing as a good scouser
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 21:10
Last edited by tomplum: 28th Oct 2021 at 21:11:46
Three lads talking in the play ground one says my dad is the fastest man on earth, he can throw a tennis ball 100 yards and before it hits the floor he can catch it. Second lad says that's nowt my dad can throw a cricket ball 150 yards and before it hits the ground he can catch it. Third lad says that's nowt at all my dads the very fastest, he works for Wigan Metro, he finishes at half past four and he's wom for dinner time.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 21:10
Last edited by TerryW: 28th Oct 2021 at 21:11:56
dinner or tea?
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 21:14
Terry W: we had to study The Charge of the Light Brigade in the 3rd year, went on and on and on...
(I think the tod won't get that either!)
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 21:15
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 21:16
A wooosh moment thereTerry.
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 22:18
What do you all a sarcastic cowboy??
Replied: 28th Oct 2021 at 22:33
I am sure you may believe your attempts at humour are worthy of an award Terry but have you considered you may be upsetting a whole section of people with connections to Liverpool?
Furthermore what impression of the forum are you creating for anyone looking in?
For someone who talks endlessly about standards and conduct it is somewhat hypocritical behaviour wouldn’t you say?
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 07:27
Are you sure this is not somebody else using Terry's name?
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 09:53
Don’t say that Baz… he will only start saying.
I don’t cause trouble
I am a bloody nice guy
Etc etc etc.
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 12:39
no, what I mean is, according to him he's a nice man, a decent poster, doesn't cause trouble.
so this cant be that terry, could it?
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 12:56
Oh dear I see the girlies are getting their panties all wet again.
I'm not worried about upsetting scousers, the ones I know don't worry about jokes aimed at them.
Nice attempt, but sorry no ceegar.
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 14:06
I know a scouser who changed his ways, The cops pulled him up last week, his car was taxed, insured MOT'd and he had a receipt for the gallon of petrol in the tank, He was also caught doing 30 mph, The cops did him for wasting police time,
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 14:16
Posted by: AngelWood (596)
A wooosh moment there Terry.
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 14:19
Did you know If you hold a shell suit to your ear, you can hear the sound of a scouser robbing a house.
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 14:22
(Comment removed because it broke the rules)
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 14:24
You can tell a girl who's German
You can tell a girl who's Dutch
You can tell a girl from Liverpool
But you can't tell her much!
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 15:24
I once went on the big dipper at Blackpool and cried all the way round...
That was an emotional rollercoaster…
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 16:54
A Liverpool pensioner has died and left all his worldly possessions to complete strangers.
Although they were the original owners.
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 18:56
The best thing about this thread is the joke is on you Tezza
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 19:01
It seems to bother you three fools more than it does me or anyone else for that matter.
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 19:03
Last edited by TerryW: 2nd Nov 2021 at 21:47:35
I see you had one of your disgusting jokes removed, Tez.
What a nice bloke you are.
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 19:06
Is it bothering you?
I doubt it will be the last.
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 19:15
Why would I let a fool like you bother me?
Replied: 29th Oct 2021 at 19:29
Because you felt the need to post about it, why else silly.
Replied: 30th Oct 2021 at 00:13
Posted by: TerryW (6729)
(Comment removed because it broke the rules)
oh no, not another one.
Replied: 30th Oct 2021 at 10:32
A tramp walks into a jewellers and starts scratching his bum. The assistant behind the counter screams at him "What the hell do you think you're doing??!!".
He looks at her and says, "You buggers wanna make your minds up" then points to the sign in the window...
'Come in and pick your ring in comfort'
Replied: 30th Oct 2021 at 10:55
Do you seriously find "schoolboy" jokes such as that amusing Terry?
Replied: 30th Oct 2021 at 15:46
Replied: 30th Oct 2021 at 15:57
All them jokes to no avail.
Ah, well you cant win em all.
Replied: 1st Nov 2021 at 15:24
stardelta i worked with loads of scousers.i will rephrase that ,the factory i worked in had loads of scousers on the payroll and most of them had a good sense of humour ,even if you where taking the ---- out of them
Replied: 8th Nov 2021 at 13:33
Kipling, it's Tery Tiny Tears whos taking the Michael out of them.
Replied: 8th Nov 2021 at 18:50
Or more precisely me.
(or so he thinks)
Replied: 8th Nov 2021 at 18:53
Why would I think that?
Replied: 8th Nov 2021 at 19:50
Cos no one is laughing at you Terry??
Replied: 8th Nov 2021 at 19:53
So he thinks that I think he's a scouse because no one is laughing at me.
Makes sense that. Have a nice evening though,
Replied: 8th Nov 2021 at 20:15
I will, thanks.
BTW……had any laughs yet?
Replied: 8th Nov 2021 at 20:52
Laughs are irrelevant, I'm keeping you three entertained.
Replied: 8th Nov 2021 at 21:01
Are you entertained Baz?
I was soooooo entertained I turned in for the night.
Replied: 9th Nov 2021 at 08:27
i am more entertained by the amount of lies hes told.
Replied: 9th Nov 2021 at 08:38
Its the rank hypocrisy and double standards that I pick up on, the lies are just a sideline.
Replied: 9th Nov 2021 at 09:04
Just a thought?????
Could a couple of people telling a load of jokes about scousers be described as trolling?
Replied: 9th Nov 2021 at 09:09