Wigan Magistrates' Court ........

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Wigan woman, Bridget Cullen, appeared before the magistrates in Wigan this morning, charged with stealing a large tin of peaches from the Tesco Express Store in Pemberton.
On sentencing, the magistrate asked her "How many peaches were in the large tin"?
"Six, Sir", replied Bridget.
"In that case, Bridget, I'm sentencing you to six weeks imprisonment, that's one week for each peach in the tin"!
At this point Bridget's husband, who was sat in the public gallery, stood and shouted, "She stole a tin of peas too, Sir"!

Chubby Brown words it better Tonks

Whatever…it made me laugh.

Even by your traits El Tonko....that were crap

I love it.

So this guy in asda is doing his job and putting the washing powders on the shelves, This woman walks passed him and recognises him and says ,
" John you lying toad, you said your job was a red arrows pilot" John says,
"No i didn't, I told you I am a member of the Arial Display team ",,,,

A German, a Frenchman an a Englishman met up at breakfast on the first morning of their honeymoons.

The German was asked "how many times did have sex to which he replied, five times and when asked "What did your Wife say to which he replied "she said Wunderbar"

The Frenchman was asked the same question to which he replied six times and my Wife said "Oh La La"

The Englishman was the asked the same question to which he replied "Just the one time" and after the German and Frenchman had finished laughing, was then asked what his Wife had said and he replied " Get off, its time for Breakfast"

Quasimoto is being chased down a street by a bunch of kids and shouting " How many more times do I have to tell you "I have not pinched your football"

OC did Quasimodo have the hump

Quasi complained that he does not eat chineses food when his best friend bought him a Wok, His friend explained, Its nor to cook in, its to iron your shirts