Wigan Album

Went over Parbold Hill today.
Hasn't the traffic conditions changed since then Ron?

No need for the Speed Camera in those days.

I don't suppose that would have been you on the Triumph by any chance would it GW., on your way to Lil's caff, as I was slogging up from Newburgh on my ancient Raleigh, full of delectable gases ?. Me that is, not the Raleigh. The rider that came hurtling past me, sporting half a hundredweight of badges in his ancient leather jacket and wearing an original ' The Corker ' helmet ?

Might well have been Ozzy. Took a wrong turn at Appley Bridge [Sunday Traffic Anxiety Disorder,STAD].Bad news on my pre war Aussie flying jacket. Wore it on a ride to Wales and it turned to paper and disintergrated. Now held together with that gorilla tape.

Last year a party of us were taken on a saturday morning jaunt by a friend in his 60's Leyland double decker including going up Parbold hill No turbo,no synchro,just the old throb , no problem, I think the old girl enjoyed it as much as we did

Nothing wrong with a bit of a patch up job GW., in fact, if anything, a few patches here and there, tend to lend character to an item in my opinion. Just take for an example that box, the one that the chancellor of the exchequer holds up for the cameras every budget day. It isn't as though they couldn't afford to buy him a new one, it's all about character, and a new box just wouldn't have any. Only the other day I was looking through an old bedding box that had been my mother's ( I never throw anything away), trying to find a bedsheet. I found several. Spotlessly clean and painstakingly folded. On close inspection however, I found most of them had been patched, by hand no less, and even some of the patches had been patched as well. I am now sleeping on what I believe to be the most characterful bedsheet in the entire borough, if not the country......Priceless.

Regards. Ozy.

That's it Ozzy, you've inspired me . Off to see what that chap at the boot repairers in Hallgate can conjure. Likely another shop i'll be asked to leave.

Ozymandias, if you're interested I could provide you with a few more 'Characterful' bedsheets at a very reasonable price, however, the 'Spotlessly clean' part you will have to take care of yourself as I never did get the hang of these new fangled washing machines. I did try but after the first couple of disasters I just gave over bothering. Now I just give them a wipe over with a damp cloth now and then.

I obviously didn't think this through properly did I DTease ? Thinking about it now though, I can see there may be certain aspects of a bedsheet that could be construed as being characterful, depending on one's interpretation of the word characterful of course, that I hadn't previously considered. However, many thanks for you kind offer, and please don't take it amiss, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline on this occasion. Purely on the grounds of course of having a lack of storage space. In fact, I have so much junk, I'm considering buying a house with rubber walls, in order to to sprise it all in, although I have little doubt that there are certain people out there who would argue that I should have been living in a building with rubber walls years ago. Many thanks also for your ' top tip ' re: giving them a wipe over with a damp rag every month or two. Given my hectic schedule, I'm fairly confident that your recommended laundry methods will prove to be most convenient for me.

Regards. Ozy.

Dear Ozy, I'm sure that my little 'Characters' will be very disappointed to hear that they won't be moving home after all, however, given that they are very lively little chaps themselves I'm sure they will understand about your very busy schedule.

Maybe i could use them to get off those tough,hard to remove oil stains from the engine in my Trumpy, DTease!!! Or perhaps a characterful new riding scarf.

Bravo GW., that's the kind of attitude that made this country the envy of the world. See what can be achieved with a little ingenuity and lateral thinking ? The possibilities are endless.

Ozy, GW, we should get together and write a book. I have many more tips on the subject of Household Hygene. For instance, why not cover the inside of your toilet with Extra. Extra Strong Bleach? Therebye eliminating the need to go poking around in the bowels of your facility with a brush on the end of a stick. Brilliant!
A word of caution here; because of the possibility of 'Splashback' it is advisable to make sure that another member of your Family uses the facility before you use it yourself. When said Family Member has 'been' and 'Flushed' and returned unharmed, it should be safe for you to use the facility yourself.
A word of advice; always have a copious supply of clean water to hand in order to 'Deg Down' your Family Member should said Family Member come into contact with the aforementioned Exra, Extra Strong Bleach.

Regards DTease

Excellent idea DTease. To my mind, the risk of splashback could be minimised, if not eliminated entirely by the simple expedient of raising the seat of the ' facility ' by two or three feet, up, away from the danger zone. This would of course necessitate the provision of some kind of steps, or alternatively a sort of winch and harness affair, and possibly the removal of a couple of beams and a small section of the ceiling. A relatively simple procedure which would, at a stroke, eliminate the necessity for the degging can whilst at the same time allowing the user of the ' facility ' an unobstructed view of the upper level of his or her property. One possible drawback that springs to mind however could be the retrieval from said facility of one's top set following a heavy night on the lash. I suspect this minor inconvenience could be circumvented however by the deft use of a long stick with a well chewed piece of Wrigley's spearmint stuck on the end of it. Well that's my contribution anyway, over to GW.

Regards. Ozy.

Sorry Ozzy. Caught me short. I'm going out the back to dig a BIG hole. Simplicity and lateral thinking's my motto.

Ozy, I'm getting really excited about this idea. Do you think we could get a Patent for it ? We could revive an old name for a toilet and call it "The Long Drop" pat pending.Also, if we raise the seat to the height where your head protrudes into the Attic you could play with the old toys up there with your top half whilst doing the necessary with your other half. With your Wrigley's stuck on the bottom, the now redundant Loo Brush could be recycled as a Top Set Retreval Tool thereby helping to save the planet by keeping it out of landfill.
My mind is racing with the possibilities. What say you GW?

GW, have you considered lining your BIG hole with a layer of extra, extra strong Bleach ? ..........

Don't talk to me about my BIG hole DTease, i'v just put a pick ax through my neighbors sewerage pipes!!

I've been giving a little more thought to those redundant characterful bedsheets actually DTease and I'd like to run this little idea up the flagpole to see if anyone salutes it. Here it is...... Why don't we roll them up into a nice soft round ball, then secure them with a couple of safety pins ? The resulting soft, yielding ball could then be sellotaped to the handlebars of one's BSA Bantam and Hey Presto, airbag technology at a fraction of the cost, and what's more, hitherto unheard of in motorcycle circles as far as I'm aware.....it would be cutting edge.....Add to this the already well documented idea of fastening two tea strainers together, bent to clip over the ears, to provide eye protection from flies and other forms of pesky airborne detritus and there you have it, two items of motorcycling kit that you'll never find at Rogerson's. Furthermore, with the 2017 Dragon Rally looming, perhaps GW., as a dyed in the wool biker, could be persuaded to promote these two new innovations. I can just see him now, with his duct taped Aussie flying jacket, tea strainer goggles and characterful airbag ploughing through the snowdrifts on Great Orme. Apart from securing his legendary status among the motorcycling fraternity, he would be well recompensed for his trouble. I have a £2.00 Tesco club card voucher that I'm willing to donate and he could keep the tea strainers for his own personal use after the event. Personally, I reckon it's a winner. What do you reckon GW. ?

Some imaginative lateral brain storming happening here lads but lets just make our fortunes turning undervalued bed sheets into over priced long johns. Use the tea strainers as knee pads and Bobs your Beeza riding uncle!!

Ozy, I am confident that GW, once he has had a long bath in a solution of three parts Dettol to one part water followed by a good rub down with clinkers, will be only too happy to take you up on your excellent offer,and, just to show my faith in him I am willing to donate the Bedsheets free and gratis on condition that I have sole rights to publish the photographs of GW in his full gear ( including the Bantam of course ).

DTease

It's actually 4 parts kerosene and a cake of Solvol, DTease and i haven't had my "Bantam" photographed since i was Motorcycle Mechanics, Man of the Month centrefold 1973. Oh... and isn't Parbold a lovely place by the way?

GW, I'm sure that my little "Characters" would be very much at home in your Long Johns, however, the making of such a garment requires a dexterity with the needle that I have not and never will attain.

You're right GW, Parbold is a lovely place.

PRAY TELL ME, WHAT HAS THE MAJORITY OF THAT GARBAGE GOT TO DO WITH PARBOLD HILL ?

Alcohol is the answer Blob, pray tell me, what was the question ?

Iv'e heard that poets drink on Parbold Hill Ozzy.