People   (Re-unions, trace old friends and relatives.)

Dave, Nick & all you rich orphans Merry Christmas and hard luck to the peasants, as a peasant i am going to give my time to an orphanage but would need some help from you Dave as I would be prepared to dress up as Father Christmas if you would dress up as an elf and all you Lady Orphans could be fairys, as there would only be a need for one I suggest & advise the unsuccessful fairys to know your position & duties. To remind, ensure that all your menfolk have their Christmas dinner at a time of their choice & served hot & promptly, keep the booze flowing & make periodic enquiries as to their comfort, after their meal clear the table & quietly clean up making sure you dont disturb the Men folk should they be watching the T.V or drop of to sleep, wash up & if there is any food left that cant be saved for the Men folk to eat later feel free to have your Christmas dinner on the remains ensuring the men dont want it & the animals have been fed, then clean the kitchen & start preparing the men in your lifes tea, checkin throughout the day that they have had all their dues, Ladies no singing in the kitchen as this may disturb the Men folks sleep, Back to dressing up as Father Christmas & visiting an Orphanage & Dave being the only possible Elf I feel it might be to much for him barcoding all the presents so I will ask Nicky to be an Elf & give Dave a hand assuming Dave accepts the position it will also be the Elfs duty to ensure that when I am selling the Orphans their presents that they dont try to barter know doubt there will be some awkward Orphans (girls know doubt)
Dave, Nicky might be coming to England in January would you consider meeting up with him as you both could club together to buy my drinks for the afternoon.
If any of the fairys wish to make contact I will set up a premium phoneline all profits to be paid to me, if I am successful in selling all the orphans christmas presents, Dave you & Nick could possibly entitled to half pay each after all you'll only be Elfs I would have the larger part as Father Christmas

Yours kind hearted Brian

N.B The Elfs will have no share in the premium line you can't be greedy after all it is Christmas!!