The Duck is Dead .............

........ A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure about that?" she protested. "I mean you haven't even done any testing on him or anything. For all we know, he might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom.
He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said earlier, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill from the vet and read it.
"£450" !!!! she cried, "£450, just to tell me my duck is dead"?

The vet shrugged his shoulders and said, "I'm sorry, madam. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been £120, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £450."

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! Get off the stage

Love it , we need more laughs like that

Nowt wrong with repeats.


Posted by: cindy (5945) [View cindy's page]


A woman brought a very limp duck into a
veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,"
replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested..
"I mean you haven't done any testing
on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the
examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat.
The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said,
"I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the
bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell
me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you
had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20,
But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan,
it's now $150."

That joke was copyrighted by Russ Abbot in 1981.

Posted by: nanajacqui (4141) View nanajacqui's page

Wigan World for anything to do with Wigan

Price has gone up since Cindy towd it. I blame Brexit!

That Vet off Wigan Lane is brilliant so I'm told

animal jokes hey ? ok, a bloke goes to Wales for a weekend break, He's walking along a country lane and comes across a farmer with his dog in a field, Good morning farmer, says the bloke,
Farmer, morning
bloke, can i talk to your dog ?
Farmer, my dog can't talk
bloke, is it ok if i try ?
farmer, ok,
bloke ,morning dog, what's you name ?
Dog, shep
the farmer is amazed,
Bloke, Is the farmer looking after you ?
Dog, Yes, he is very kind he feeds me and exercises me and gives me a dry , warm place to sleep,
Bloke, Is that your horse over there ?
Farmer, yes,
bloke ,can I speak to it ?
Farmer, The horse can't speak.
Bloke, can I try ?
Farmer, ok
Bloke shouts to horse, Hey whats your name
horse, Neddy why, whats it do do with you ?
Farmer, is even more amazed
bloke, just checking that you're ok,
horse, well I am, The farmer is a good chap, I get good food, a dry stable and the vet comes every month to check me out,
Bloke, ok thanks Hey farmer can i talk to your sheep.
Farmer, No those sheep are bloody liars

We’ve got a pet giraffe in our orchard.

It’s grazed a few high boughs.

Posted by: nanajacqui (4141) View nanajacqui's page

Wigan World for anything to do with Wigan