Joined: 07 Jul 2009
|Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2019 3:08 pm Post subject: Wet Monday laughs
|Mrs O’Shea to doctor, “I wish you would see my husband doctor, he blows smoke rings through his nose, and it frightens me.”
Doctor: “I don’t know that it’s so terribly unusual for a person to blow smoke rings through his nose.”
Mrs O’Shea: “But doctor, my husband doesn’t smoke.”
First undertaker: “I’ve just been given the sack.”
Second undertaker:” Why.”
First undertaker: “I buried someone in the wrong place.”
Second undertaker: “That was a grave mistake.”
“Darling” says Paddy, “since I met you I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and I can’t even drink.” Mary smiling with pride, “Oh, why ever not honey?” “Because I’m stone broke,” says Paddy.
A school leaver was being interviewed for a job as an office boy.
“You’ll get twenty pounds a week to start with, then after six months you’ll get a hundred pounds a week.”
“Okay” said the lad, “I’ll come back in six months.”
The prospective employer was interviewing an applicant for a typist’s job.
“And you thoroughly understand the importance of good punctuation?” he asked.
“Oh yes,” the young lady replied, “at my last place I always got there on time.”
Little Ronny runs into the sitting room and pants, “Dad, is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?”
Dad puts down his newspaper, “it sure is, son.”
Little Ronny replied, “well give me one quick, I just kicked my ball through his front window.”
Barry tells his mate that he went on a date with identical twins one night.
“Any luck?” asked his mate.
“Yes and no,” replied Barry.
Husband: “Well, what’s on the telly tonight?”
Wife: “Oh, much the same as usual – the goldfish bowl and the lamp.”
“What’s in the fancy vase on the coffee table?” asked Mavis.
“My husband’s ashes,” replied Phyllis.
“Oh, I’m sorry, how long has he been dead?” asked an embarrassed Mavis.
“He’s not dead, just too lazy to find an ashtray,” replied Phyllis.