Joined: 07 Jul 2009
|Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2018 2:14 pm Post subject: A Few More
A man got a ticket for an International Football Match, but when he arrived at the packed ground he found he was right at the back. Looking around he spotted another man sitting by himself beside an empty seat right at the front. He made his way to the front and asked the man if he could sit in the empty seat.
"Of course," said the man. "This was my wife's seat, we always used to watch the game, year after year, but she passed away shortly after I bought the tickets."
"Oh I'm sorry" said the other man, "but wouldn't you have given the ticket to a friend or relative, so you wouldn't be alone?"
"Not today," was the reply. "You see, they're all at her funeral."
Working Up A Thirst
A man walked into O'Malley's bar in Dublin and ordered ten pints of Guinness. The bar tender was totally amazed when he quickly drank them all, one after another.
"That's great!" said the man, wiping his mouth with his sleeve, but I shouldn't have done that with what I've got."
"Why, what have you got?" asked the bar tender.
"About three euro," replied the man.
An old Co. Armagh farmer asked his dying mother if she'd like to be buried or cremated.
"Oh, I don't know, son," - she replied - "Surprise me!"
Bite Better Than His Bark
Harry and Larry were talking in the pub. Larry said, "I took my dog to the vet today because he bit my mother in law."
"Did you have him put to sleep?" asked Harry.
"No I didn't," said Larry. "I had his teeth sharpened."