New Diet

[Cyril]

After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favourite bakery. But this morning I accidentally drove by the bakery and as I approached, there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, "Lord, it's up to you, if you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, please create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery." And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was!

Did you hear about the seafood diet?
You see food and you eat it.

Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
He'll dessert you.

What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A beer in each hand.

When should you go on a cheese diet?
If you need to cheddar a few pounds.

What do you get when you put the right amount of meat and vegetables on a scale? - A balanced meal.

Why should you go to the paint store if your on a diet?
You can get thinner there.

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Two blondes decided to split a can of Diet Coke. One blonde opened the can, and poured half the contents into her own glass, and half into her friend's glass. Before tossing the can, she stopped to read the nutritional information on the side.

"'Only one calorie per can'," she read aloud.

"Hmm," murmured the other blonde, " wonder which glass has the calorie?"