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Family Feud

 
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Mick



Joined: 05 Jul 2008
Posts: 12157

PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2016 8:37 am    Post subject: Family Feud Reply with quote

on the canal Poolstock.

https://youtu.be/HzbJSY28wso
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Cyril



Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 2935
Location: Wigan

PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2016 11:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Swans aren't the nice guys and gals at all, they've been known to hold other water fowl under water until they drown.
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Mick



Joined: 05 Jul 2008
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PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2016 11:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All animals are killers including your daft dogs and cats.
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Cyril



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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2016 2:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wrong Mick, the most prolific killers are humans, and those gun-toters kill more wildlife than cats.

When my sister lived at Poolstock she kept a flock of geese with the garden backing onto scotmans flash, however more were killed by swans than were killed by foxes.
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Mick



Joined: 05 Jul 2008
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2016 5:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We was on about animals Cyril and apart from Sharks Lions and Tigers daft Dogs come top of the list.
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Oy



Joined: 18 Sep 2006
Posts: 1712

PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2016 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What about Crocodiles?

They can get a bit nowty!
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Mick



Joined: 05 Jul 2008
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2016 11:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes Crocodiles I forgot about them.
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Jo Anne



Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 454

PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2016 12:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's a cob eat cob world! Razz

That male swan has got a right cob on! Very Happy
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Mick



Joined: 05 Jul 2008
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2016 7:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There saying on the telly that they think a Crocodile has bitten a women in Australia to death yesterday.
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Cyril



Joined: 07 Jul 2009
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Location: Wigan

PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2016 11:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you mean those dogs that have ripped out the throats of folks; then it's the owners who are daft for wanting dogs like that.

The salt water crocodile dragged her under whilst she was waist high in the sea off a beach at night.

http://edition.cnn.com/2016/05/30/asia/australia-croc-attack/
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Gordon



Joined: 06 Aug 2006
Posts: 2488

PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2016 11:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cats might be nice fluffy little animals, but they are also perfect killing machines and they indulge in the recreational murder of small mammals.

If you want to see the other side of your perfect pussy's nature, then try and that is 'try' to give it a bath Very Happy
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Cyril



Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 2935
Location: Wigan

PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2016 12:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You get the same result when giving worming tablets. Laughing

How to give a pill to a cat.

1.Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2.Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3.Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4.Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5.Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6.Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7.Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8.Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9.Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Elastoplast to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10.Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11.Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12.Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13.Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of salmon. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14.Get spouse to drive you to A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture store on way home to order new table.
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Maureen



Joined: 12 Jun 2012
Posts: 354

PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2016 4:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cyril..that's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time..it's brilliant..and yes we have a cat and totally agree with you!
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Cyril



Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 2935
Location: Wigan

PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 11:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is funny isn't it Maureen, I hadn't seen it for a while so had to do a web search, could only have been a cat owner who originally wrote it. Laughing
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