Joined: 07 Jul 2009
|Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2014 2:12 pm Post subject: A couple for the vicar
|Three couples one elderly, one middle aged and one newly married recently moved to a new area and went to join the local church, the vicar said to them you can only join my church if you can abstain from having sex for a month.
After a month they all went back and saw the vicar who asked them how they had got on, the elderly couple said "no problems and we haven't even thought about sex," "good, good "said the vicar, "welcome to my church."
The middle aged couple said, "the first week was a bit of a struggle, but yes we managed it." "excellent" said the vicar, "welcome to my church."
He asked the newly married couple, the husband replied, "well, after two days I was struggling and when my wife bent over to pick up a tin of paint I just couldn't control myself, I just had to show my love for her there and then." "Oh dear" said the vicar, "you are not definitely not welcome at my church."
The husband replied, "aye, and we're not welcome at B&Q again either."
A vicar had picked up his new curate up at the station and was driving them back to the manse, the curate saw a sign 'Sex at the nunnery of St Beatrice £500.
He assumed that he hadn't read the sign correctly, however further on was another sign, Call in at the nunnery of St Beatrice, sex £500.
He asked the vicar if he had read the signs correctly, "oh yes" said the vicar, " though I've never bothered finding out."
Further on another sign, Welcome to the nunnery of St Beatrice, call in, sex £500.
Intrigued by how a nunnery could advertise sex for £500 the curate asked the vicar to drive in.
He knocked at the door which was opened by an elderly nun who said "come in my son." On entering he was met by a buxom beauty of a nun who told him, "put your £500 on this tray and go through that door and the world is yours."
This he did, when he went through the door he was back in the car park, facing him was another sign saying, You have just been screwed by the sisters of St Beatrice.