Joined: 07 Jul 2009
|Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2020 3:09 pm Post subject: Some Corny Jokes for March
|Mick: “How’s work going Johnny?”
Johnny: “Oh sure I’m head over heels at the moment.”
Mick: “Be the holy, what do you work at?”
Johnny: “I’m an acrobat in the circus.”
Wee Sammy; “Why run away? I thought you said you could fight me with one hand tied behind your back?”
Wee Jimmy: “So I could. I’m just running home for the string.”
Office manager: “You should have been here at nine o’clock!”
New secretary: “Why, what happened?”
“Now Jack, what did I say I would do if I caught you stealing the biscuits again?”
“That’s funny, dad, I’ve forgotten too.”
Teacher: “Sean, you weren’t at school yesterday afternoon! Have you an explanation to offer?”
“Please sir, I was going to school when I saw a road roller and the garda said to me, ‘Mind that road roller’, and I stayed minding it all afternoon.”
“What does your brother work at”, asked Michael.
“He’s got a very high position in the shipping world,” John replied.
“Is he a naval captain,” asked Michael.
“No, he’s a lighthouse keeper,” replied John.
Two men were fishing, one said to the other, “Caught anything yet, Bill?”
“Well,” he replied, “I’ve caught a salmon tin, but the salmon has got away.”
Teacher to new boy: “What’s your name, my little man?”
New Boy: “Johnny.”
Teacher: “Always say ‘sir’ when you are speaking to me boy. Now let’s try again…what’s your name?”
New boy: “Sir Johnny.”
A lady walked into the grocer’s shop and said, “Those apples you sold me had a fishy taste!” The assistant replied, “That’s alright, they were crab apples.”
Diner: “Waiter, this soup isn’t fit for a pig.”
Waiter: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll take it away and bring some that is.”
The office manager said to his assistant, “I’m afraid that man I gave a job to last week is dishonest.”
“Well, you shouldn’t judge a book by appearances,” his assistant replied.
“I’m not,” said the manager, “I’m judging by disappearances.”
An angry father asked his son, “Why did you get detention at school Jimmy?”
“Because I didn’t know where the Nile was.”
“Well,” said his father, “in future you must remember where you put your stuff!”
A man walked into a clothes shop and said to the assistant, “Would you mind taking that yellow tie with the green spots out of the window for me please?”
“Certainly, sir,” replied the assistant.
The man said, “Thanks very much, the horrible thing bothers me every time I pass.”