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Another laugh with Coireall

 
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Cyril



Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 2942
Location: Wigan

PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 1:38 pm    Post subject: Another laugh with Coireall Reply with quote

Repaint.
A painter, not particularly noted for his honesty, decided to water down his paint, but charge his customer the full amount he should have used.
Unfortunately for him he carried the process rather too far with the result that the finished work looked so bad that even the most short-sighted client would notice it.
“What can I do now?” he wailed.
And from the heavens above a great voice boomed, “Repaint, repaint and thin no more.”

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Holy Terror.
Wee Jimmy was being very naughty. His mother said, “Every time you’re naughty I get another grey hair.”
“Well”, said Jimmy. “You must have been a holy terror yourself, just look at grandpa’s hair!”

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The Doctor.
“PLEASE step aside! I’ve done First Aid!” cried the man, pushing away a woman offering to help someone who’d fallen in the street. After a few minutes the woman said, “When you get to the part in the course about calling for a doctor, I’m here!”

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The Bucket.
An old Co. Armagh mas was on holiday in London, as he walked along Harley Street, he spotted a sign saying ‘Plastic Surgeon’.
He rang the bell and the surgeon himself came to the door,
Man: “Are you the Plastic Surgeon?”
Surgeon: “Yes I am.”
Man: “Are you any good at the job?”
Greatly taken back the surgeon replied, “Of course I am or I wouldn’t be in Harley St.
Man: “How much do you charge?”
Surgeon, becoming very impatient, “Why are you asking me all the questions?”
Man: “Well, I only wanted to know how much you’d charge for putting a new handle on my plastic bucket.”

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The Snobs.
First snob: “I understand you are not going to Paris this year?”
Second snob: “No, it’s London we are not going to this year.”

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Going to Heaven.
Sunday school teacher to class, “Hands up all those who’d like to go to heaven.?”
All except wee Jimmy put up their hands.
Sunday school teacher: Jimmy, don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?”
Wee Jimmy: “Oh yes, I want to go to heaven when I die, it’d just that I thought you were looking for a bus load today.”

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Successful Meal.
New Bride: “I cooked my first meal last night and it was a huge success.”
Friend: “Really?”
New Bride: “My husband said to me, from now on we eat out!”

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What Number.
Sleepy man answering telephone at 4 am: “Hello.”
Caller: “What number is this?”
Sleepy man: “Well, you ought to know. You dialled it!”

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Cars.
Maureen: “What sort of car has your dad got?”
Mavis: “I can’t remember the name; I think it starts with T.”
Maureen: “Really? Ours starts with petrol.”

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That Laugh.
A man rushed into the garda station. “Help! You’ve got to help me!”
“What’s the matter?” asked the officer on duty.
“It’s my mother-in-law. She’s just tried to run me over in a strange car.”
“How can you be sure it’s your mother-in-law?” asked the officer.
“Sure, I’d recognise that laugh anywhere,” the man replied.

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Tail Wag.
Tommy was taking his dog for a walk when he met some friends.
“How is it,” asked one, “that your dog wags his tail up and down instead of side to side?” Tommy thought for a while, then replied, “That’s because he has a very narrow kennel!”

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Wreck.
Harry: “My dad went on a crash diet this week.”
Larry: “Is that why he looks such a wreck?”
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