wiganworld home page
Home Photos of Wigan Stuff News What's On Classifieds Forum Communicate Guestbook Links Blogs
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups  ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in            register
Enjoy with a glass or three of Paddy

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    wiganworld Forum Index -> Jokes, funnies and games


View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Cyril



Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 2856
Location: Wigan

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:43 pm    Post subject: Enjoy with a glass or three of Paddy Reply with quote

Ratty or Batty
She came dashing into the shop in a great hurry. "Get me a rat trap as fast as you can, I have to catch a bus."
"Here it is madam - but you'll never catch it with this."

Horse Play
There's an old Belfast joke about a new policeman who found a dead horse in Chichester Street, Belfast. "How do you spell Chichester?" he asked the people around him, but nobody knew.
"Alright then," he replied, "now give me a hand to pull the animal into Mary Street."

Aw Franšais
Mrs Kelly was puzzled. "Why," she asked her friend Mrs O'Byrne, "are the O'Shea's learning French?" "Don't you know?" asked Mrs O'Byrne in amazement. "They've adopted a French baby girl and they want to be able to understand her when she starts talking."

A Diet
The doctor decided to put Mrs Kelly on a diet as she was overweight.
"You can have three lettuce leaves," he said, "one piece of dry toast, a glass of orange juice and a tomato." "Very well, doctor," she replied meekly, "and do I take them before or after meals."

Change
Boy to father, "dad, can you change this 10p for me please?"
"Of course" said his father. The boy replied, "Good, then change it to 50p."

Love or Money
Bill, "I'm 73 years old, I've got a million in the bank and I'm in love with a beautiful young brunette. Do you think she'd marry me if I told her I was only 50." Bob, "You'd have more of a chance if you told her you were 90."

Maths Poser
Teacher, "How would you divide nine apples between twelve boys?"
Pupil, "I would stew them sir."

A Furry Answer
A woman was left an expensive fur coat by a relative, and proudly wore it to church. After the service one of the congregation asked her, "And what unfortunate animal had to die for you to wear that coat?"
"My aunt," she replied.

The Lion
Ben, "Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a lion?"
Bill, "No, what happened?"
Ben, "Well there I was without a gun, the lion growled menacingly, and crept closer and closer...?"
Bill, " And what did you do?"
Ben, "I moved to the next cage."

Laying
Maguire, " Why were all your chickens in the front garden yesterday."
McCafferty, "They heard that the council were laying a pavement and they wanted to see how it was done."

Drunks
two men were staggering home one night. One looked up to the sky and said, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
"I don't know," the other replied. "I don't live around here either."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    wiganworld Forum Index -> Jokes, funnies and games All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group