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Got them out of a Christmas Cracker.

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Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 2964
Location: Wigan

PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 6:13 pm    Post subject: Got them out of a Christmas Cracker. Reply with quote

The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig.

Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.

What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

How do you lead a horse to water?
With lots of carrots.

Why do cowboys always die with their boots on?
So they won't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.

What do you call a stolen yam?
A hot potato.

Everyone has these on their face?

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.

A toddler who was found chewing on a slug. After the initial surge of disgust the parent said, "Well, what does it taste like?" "Worms," was the reply.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells, and don't work half the time.

What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them.

What was green and a great trick shooter?
Annie Okra

What gets bigger the more you take away?
A hole.

Why is a barn so noisy?
All the cows have horns.

Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.

What did the banana do when it saw the monkeys?

A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of.

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes.

When's Honeydew? The Thyme's getting on.

I think, therefore I Yam.

Have you heard of the garlic diet?
You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.

Where do apples love to take a holiday?
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