..... The Liverpool FC manager flies out to Baghdad to watch a promising young Iraqi striker play football. He's suitably impressed with his performance and immediately signs him on to come over to play here.
Two weeks later, Liverpool are sticking Chelsea, away, and are 4 - 0 down with only 20 minutes left.
The manager gives the young Iraqi the nod and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation! He scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media loves the new star!
Straight after the match, he phones his mum to tell her about his successful first day in English football.
"Hello mum, guess what"? he says, excitedly. "I played for the last 20 minutes today, as we were 4 - 0 down, but I managed to score 5 goals and we won! Everybody loves me, the fans, the club, the media, they all love me"!
"That's wonderful, son", says his mum, "but just let me tell you about my day"!
"Your father was shot in the street and robbed this morning, then your sister and I were ambushed and gang raped, your brother has joined a gang of looters. And you tell me you're having a good time"?
The young lad is very upset. "What can I say, mum, I'm really, really sorry"!
"Sorry"?, says his mum, "Sorry"? "Well it's all YOUR [removed, admin] fault we came to Liverpool in the first place"!