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Employee Notice
Started by: gaffer (6336)   Report abuse

Due to the current financial situation caused by the Corona Virus and slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

Posted by: builderboy (2198) Report abuse
Clever as it may be, but not remotely appropriate. None of the topics referenced are things to cause amusement in my opinion.

Posted by: TerryW (4136) Report abuse
I have to agree with Builderboy.

Posted by: basil brush (13865) Report abuse
Totally agree, BB, but certain people will post anything to seek attention.

Posted by: Aziraphale (200) Report abuse
So I notice.

I was sent that yesterday, Gaffer. I thought it funny.

Posted by: basil brush (13865) Report abuse
From Firefox
Getting closer. One of my neighbours was taken to hospital in the night with suspected Covid-19.
I hear hes been put on one of the new Dyson ventilators and is now picking up nicely..

Another on here, BB.

Posted by: firefox (1493) Report abuse
Good one, innit.

Apparently, one of the early-warning symptoms of Coronavirus is loss of your sense of taste.

I nearly s**t myself earlier, when my first beer of the day tasted like fizzy tap water.

Can't tell you how relieved I was when I remembered the shops were running low and I'd had to buy Carlsberg.

Posted by: basil brush (13865) Report abuse
If you like that kind of thing.

Posted by: firefox (1493) Report abuse
I don't, it's a horrible drink. But needs must.


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