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Cappuccino for Spartacus
Started by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
I was recently in a coffee shop when I heard the Barista shout:

“Cappuccino for Spartacus”

twelve people stood up

Posted by: berylh (1779) Report abuse

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
3D printers are so realistic now.

I printed out a life-sized Bob Marley playing the guitar and the paper started jammin'.

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
World Photography Day - not everywhere,

just the developed nations...

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
The doctor told my wife that the tickling sensation she had been feeling in her head was caused by a parasitic insect trapped inside her auditory canal.

He said he wasn't able remove it that day and to come back 2 days later.

My wife got quite rude and caused a scene, demanding to be treated immediately.

The doctor refused to be bullied and sent her home with a flea in her ear.

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
A new car has been launched for American cowboys.

The Audi Partner.

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
My Uncle Frank has just left me a stately home in his will....

I don't know where Sod Hall is; but I'm thrilled.

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
Carlsberg don't do holidays.....

......Neither do Thomas Cook.

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
I’ve seen a bear open a door,

climb a ladder,

play a horn and ride a bike

but I still don’t believe it can make porridge.....

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
Greta Thunberg

Putting the 'mental' into 'environmentalist'

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
Decided as it was a pleasant evening to cycle to the off licence to get a bottle of Scotch.

The bike I'd borrowed had a basket on the front and as I put the bottle in it I thought

"What if I fall off, the bottle will break and all that good whisky will be wasted"

so I drank the lot. Good job I did,

I fell off seven times on the way home.

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
I was sitting at the computer the other day, drafting my will

I called out to my wife

"When I die; I'm going to leave everything to you my love"

She shouted back

"YOU ALREADY DO, YOU LAZY GIT!"

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
The Judge asked me if I thought his duck impression was a good one.

I replied “Yes Mallard”

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
BREAKING NEWS

Nicola Sturgeon has demanded that the match between Japan v Scotland be replayed

as the majority of Scots didn't vote for that result....😲

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
A Scotsman walks in a bar -
usually there is also a Welshman Irishman and Englishman

but they are still away playing rugby.

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
Is it too much to ask the Romans to re-invade Britain?

Someone needs to resurface the roads.

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
A smoothie bar serving combined fruit and vegetable smoothies has been linked to bouts of depression and suicide.

Their Melon - Cauli smoothie has now been withdrawn....

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
Visitors to Spain are amazed at the skill of the tattoo artists there.

No one expects the Spanish ink precision

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse
Teacher asks Billy;

If you have five sweets and Mohammed asks for one, how many will you have left?

Billy; Five

Posted by: cordyline (5109)   Report abuse

 
 
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