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Tarmac
Started by: cordyline (4084)   Report abuse
A piece of red tarmac and a piece of black tarmac in a bar arguing over who is the hardest:

Red tarmac - "I'm hard, me! They put me down at bus stops so huge heavy buses can stop without skidding"

Black tarmac - "I'm harder! They put me down on motorways and thousands of vehicles a day run over me"

Just then a piece of green tarmac walked in

The barman whispered frantically "Shut up you two this guy is a nutter and really is hard. He's a cycle path!

Posted by: tonker (18932)   Report abuse
That's a good un! I just told it to my wife and she said, "what's a cycle path"? (she's from Wigan!)

Posted by: berylh (1532) Report abuse
cordyline

Posted by: graneyjoseph (4560)   Report abuse

Posted by: Tommy Two Stroke (1631) Report abuse

Posted by: staffbullterrier (2224) Report abuse
My mate called me today and told me he'd got fired from his job, I asked him why?
and he said it was because he kept asking the customers if they wanted "Smoking or Non-Smoking"
I said "That's a bit harsh... but to be fair, the correct phrase is Cremation or Burial!!"

Posted by: cordyline (4084)   Report abuse

Posted by: graneyjoseph (4560)   Report abuse

Posted by: cordyline (4084)   Report abuse
A little bit about myself...

My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.

Posted by: cordyline (4084)   Report abuse
My mate just rang me and said
"What are you doing at the moment?"

I said

"Probably failing my driving test"

Posted by: cordyline (4084)   Report abuse
Little Red riding hood found in a critical condition.

Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she's not out of the woods yet.....

Posted by: cordyline (4084)   Report abuse
Woman walks into Specsavers

'I'm returning the glasses I bought for my husband last week.

He's still not seeing things my way!'

Posted by: cordyline (4084)   Report abuse

 
 
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